Fruit of the Spirit: Gentleness (devotion)

I share this story with great shame. In fact I’m probably posting it on a Sunday because very few, if any, people will read it. It is not common knowledge that Bill and I were part of a very controlling ministry for many years. Our pastor had a very severe view of raising children, and his views on raising boys were especially harsh.


When Sam was around three or four, I was advised not to coddle him in any way. Sam needed to learn how to be a man. During that time, Sam and I were at some friends', Dennis and Rhonda, house until late at night. Sam had been asleep and I woke him up when it was time to go. Groggy and confused, he walked face first into the van waiting in the driveway. I could hear the smack as he collided with the headlight. He cried out immediately. It was a pain cry, not just a scared cry.

Did I rush to him? No. I made him come to me. Did I hug him and gently tell him everything was going to be okay? No. I told him to stop crying. It was dark outside and I couldn’t properly examine him, so I made him follow me inside my friends’ house. Did I carry him or at least hold his hand? No. I told him to hush the neighbors might hear. He had hit the van so hard his front teeth were slightly loose and the gums were bleeding. Rhonda brought him cold water to rinse out his mouth. I didn’t pat his back or whisper gently that I loved him. Other than the required care, I did nothing for my little boy. In the end, it was Dennis that hugged him.

Thankfully, the Holy Spirit wouldn’t allow me to subscribe to this philosophy for long. Regardless of the faulty teaching I was receiving, the Fruit of the Spirit was alive inside. Through Him, gentleness reigned in my mothering. I truly believe that when we are searching for God with a whole heart, His truth will win out. In this case, His fruit of gentleness won out over misguided doctrine.

The fruit of gentleness is a large component of mothering. I understand that it’s needed in all relationships, but that of mother and child is of upmost importance. Regardless of what else you do in your life, being a mother is the greatest blessing God can bestow on you. In Isaiah, God is talking about his relationship with Jerusalem. He says, “I will comfort you there as a child is comforted by his mother.” (66:13) That rocks my world. He is using a mother’s comfort as a description of His own. We model His love with every kiss, hug, and gentle word.

That verse only compounds my grief when I think of that incident with Sam. What picture was I giving him of God? I was showing him that God is harsh and unconcerned with his suffering. Thankfully, I am forgiven for those actions. As mothers, we are going to make mistakes—maybe even huge ones—but we are washed clean by the blood of Jesus Christ. His victory on the cross negates our actions.

Here’s the mothering good news: Jesus forgives our bad parenting and the Holy Spirit works to make us better parents every day.