The onscreen battle was vicious and Sam was getting killed every time he spawned. He responded to this indignity with great humility—screaming at the television and stomping his feet. I talked to him about self-control. He said he had the “right” to feel what he was feeling. I agreed that he could be angry, but stomping and screaming were not appropriate. After another bout, I took him off the Xbox.
I don’t normally use the Bible as a punishment, but I thought it would do him some good to see what God’s Word had to say on the subject. I sent him to www.biblegateway.com to find three scriptures on anger or self-control. Then he was to write three sentences on why it’s good to have self-control.
After his search, he came to me with a very different attitude. His first sentence was about self-control being something God expects. Even now several weeks later, he holds his temper much better when playing those games. As a side note, one of the scriptures he found was Proverbs 16:32. “Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.” Only the Holy Spirit could have directed a thirteen-year-old boy to a scripture so perfectly designed for his mind frame and situation.
Just like I think “love” is the fruit intentionally listed first. I think “self-control” is intentionally listed last. Self-control is difficult for several reasons. We might feel what we are doing is justified as Sam did. We may not even realize we have a problem. Or we’ve been locked in the sin for so long, we don’t think we can stop it.
Before we can truly have self-control, first we need to have group control. We need to rely on our fellow believers to point out to us what we may not see. Galatians 6:1 commands, “Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path.”
Our first reaction may be to tell someone to mind their own business, but the Bible is pretty clear that we shouldn’t. Proverbs 15:32 tells us, “If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding.” If we listen to others, we have a better idea of what we need to work on in our lives.
The other part of group control is accountability. It’s a lot easier to rationalize and justify sin to ourselves than it is to others. If we have faithful brothers and sisters who know our struggles, we have a better chance of victory. “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” James 5:16
Once we have had victory with group control, we are far better equipped to have self-control.
I am addicted to Coca-Cola. I’m also overweight and have kidney disease, but that doesn’t stop me from drinking it. I’m trying to keep it to one a day. I’d love some group control to help me with this. Feel free to hold me accountable.
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Fruit of the Spirit: Gentleness (devotion)
I share this story with great shame. In fact I’m probably posting it on a Sunday because very few, if any, people will read it. It is not common knowledge that Bill and I were part of a very controlling ministry for many years. Our pastor had a very severe view of raising children, and his views on raising boys were especially harsh.
When Sam was around three or four, I was advised not to coddle him in any way. Sam needed to learn how to be a man. During that time, Sam and I were at some friends', Dennis and Rhonda, house until late at night. Sam had been asleep and I woke him up when it was time to go. Groggy and confused, he walked face first into the van waiting in the driveway. I could hear the smack as he collided with the headlight. He cried out immediately. It was a pain cry, not just a scared cry.
Did I rush to him? No. I made him come to me. Did I hug him and gently tell him everything was going to be okay? No. I told him to stop crying. It was dark outside and I couldn’t properly examine him, so I made him follow me inside my friends’ house. Did I carry him or at least hold his hand? No. I told him to hush the neighbors might hear. He had hit the van so hard his front teeth were slightly loose and the gums were bleeding. Rhonda brought him cold water to rinse out his mouth. I didn’t pat his back or whisper gently that I loved him. Other than the required care, I did nothing for my little boy. In the end, it was Dennis that hugged him.
Thankfully, the Holy Spirit wouldn’t allow me to subscribe to this philosophy for long. Regardless of the faulty teaching I was receiving, the Fruit of the Spirit was alive inside. Through Him, gentleness reigned in my mothering. I truly believe that when we are searching for God with a whole heart, His truth will win out. In this case, His fruit of gentleness won out over misguided doctrine.
The fruit of gentleness is a large component of mothering. I understand that it’s needed in all relationships, but that of mother and child is of upmost importance. Regardless of what else you do in your life, being a mother is the greatest blessing God can bestow on you. In Isaiah, God is talking about his relationship with Jerusalem. He says, “I will comfort you there as a child is comforted by his mother.” (66:13) That rocks my world. He is using a mother’s comfort as a description of His own. We model His love with every kiss, hug, and gentle word.
That verse only compounds my grief when I think of that incident with Sam. What picture was I giving him of God? I was showing him that God is harsh and unconcerned with his suffering. Thankfully, I am forgiven for those actions. As mothers, we are going to make mistakes—maybe even huge ones—but we are washed clean by the blood of Jesus Christ. His victory on the cross negates our actions.
Here’s the mothering good news: Jesus forgives our bad parenting and the Holy Spirit works to make us better parents every day.
When Sam was around three or four, I was advised not to coddle him in any way. Sam needed to learn how to be a man. During that time, Sam and I were at some friends', Dennis and Rhonda, house until late at night. Sam had been asleep and I woke him up when it was time to go. Groggy and confused, he walked face first into the van waiting in the driveway. I could hear the smack as he collided with the headlight. He cried out immediately. It was a pain cry, not just a scared cry.
Did I rush to him? No. I made him come to me. Did I hug him and gently tell him everything was going to be okay? No. I told him to stop crying. It was dark outside and I couldn’t properly examine him, so I made him follow me inside my friends’ house. Did I carry him or at least hold his hand? No. I told him to hush the neighbors might hear. He had hit the van so hard his front teeth were slightly loose and the gums were bleeding. Rhonda brought him cold water to rinse out his mouth. I didn’t pat his back or whisper gently that I loved him. Other than the required care, I did nothing for my little boy. In the end, it was Dennis that hugged him.
Thankfully, the Holy Spirit wouldn’t allow me to subscribe to this philosophy for long. Regardless of the faulty teaching I was receiving, the Fruit of the Spirit was alive inside. Through Him, gentleness reigned in my mothering. I truly believe that when we are searching for God with a whole heart, His truth will win out. In this case, His fruit of gentleness won out over misguided doctrine.
The fruit of gentleness is a large component of mothering. I understand that it’s needed in all relationships, but that of mother and child is of upmost importance. Regardless of what else you do in your life, being a mother is the greatest blessing God can bestow on you. In Isaiah, God is talking about his relationship with Jerusalem. He says, “I will comfort you there as a child is comforted by his mother.” (66:13) That rocks my world. He is using a mother’s comfort as a description of His own. We model His love with every kiss, hug, and gentle word.
That verse only compounds my grief when I think of that incident with Sam. What picture was I giving him of God? I was showing him that God is harsh and unconcerned with his suffering. Thankfully, I am forgiven for those actions. As mothers, we are going to make mistakes—maybe even huge ones—but we are washed clean by the blood of Jesus Christ. His victory on the cross negates our actions.
Here’s the mothering good news: Jesus forgives our bad parenting and the Holy Spirit works to make us better parents every day.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Naptime (devotion)
Garner needed a nap. Tiredness was making him distraught. I’d tried all the usual stuff—singing, rocking, walking around, gas medicine—and nothing was working. I knew the best thing was to put him to bed and let him cry until he fell asleep. I laid him down and sat in the chair nearby. I watched to make sure he was okay and listened in case his crying escalated. In three or four minutes, he was out. I stayed a little longer watching and listening as he took the slow, even breaths of sleep. He didn’t know I was there. As far as he knew, he was alone.
It wasn’t a far leap for me to think of our Father in heaven. When we go through trials, we often feel like we’re alone. We wonder why this (insert crisis here) is happening to us. God, it seems, is nowhere to be found. But like in the situation with my baby, God knows what is best for us. He knows what we need even if it seems painful, and he is always watching and listening—standing by our side to make sure we are okay.
“Though they {the Godly}stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.” Ps 37:24
It wasn’t a far leap for me to think of our Father in heaven. When we go through trials, we often feel like we’re alone. We wonder why this (insert crisis here) is happening to us. God, it seems, is nowhere to be found. But like in the situation with my baby, God knows what is best for us. He knows what we need even if it seems painful, and he is always watching and listening—standing by our side to make sure we are okay.
“Though they {the Godly}stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.” Ps 37:24
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Seeing and Hearing (1st John 1:1-4)
“How do we know we’re right?” asked my nine-year-old from the back seat. He and I talk a lot in the car because Sir Ask-A-Lot has my undivided attention. The current topic was Jesus, so I knew where he was heading. He continued, “I mean, how do we know our God is real, and all those other ones aren’t?”
I never thought I’d be defending my faith while maneuvering through traffic. But I guess we’re supposed to be ready for the tough questions. My kid is always asking things that force me to examine my own beliefs. On the bright side, he keeps me on my spiritual toes.
At some point in our walks, we’re all going to be asked how we know our God is real. Whether it’s accompanied by the innocent gaze of our children or the hostile glare of a stranger, we will have to answer it. I knew in my son’s case and it went beyond a conversation about faith, he needed something more concrete.
I immediately thought about the apostle John. He had a similar problem in the first century church. A belief called Gnosticism surfaced which denied, among other things, the physical nature of Christ. They believed that Christ was spirit only and never became flesh. John addressed this in his first epistle. He reminded everyone that he and others had actually walked alongside the Savior.
He doesn’t mince words, in chapter one verse one he says they have “heard and seen [Jesus].” He goes on to say, “We saw Him with our own eyes and touched Him with our own hands.” Again in verse two, he says “we have seen Him.” And finally in verse three “we ourselves have actually seen and heard.”
John easily battled the false doctrine with a simple, “I was there; I know the truth.” Unfortunately, John wasn’t riding in the passenger seat as I talked with my son. But his principle was. I can’t tell my son that I’ve seen Jesus with my own eyes and touched Him with my own hands, but I can tell him that I’ve seen and heard His work in my life.
It’s important that we show our children and others that God is real. We do that by telling them all of the things He has done in our lives. I told my son “I know Jesus is real because …” and went on with stories from my experience. These stories were the foundation for other car worthy topics such as biblical history, faith and the inerrancy of scripture.
John continues in verse four, “We are writing these things so that you may fully share our joy.” By joy, he means fellowship with the Father and Jesus (vs. 3). Isn’t that our ultimate goal as parents, to have our children fully share our Joy? Hopefully by showing them how God is real in our lives, they will soon see how He is real in their lives.
I never thought I’d be defending my faith while maneuvering through traffic. But I guess we’re supposed to be ready for the tough questions. My kid is always asking things that force me to examine my own beliefs. On the bright side, he keeps me on my spiritual toes.
At some point in our walks, we’re all going to be asked how we know our God is real. Whether it’s accompanied by the innocent gaze of our children or the hostile glare of a stranger, we will have to answer it. I knew in my son’s case and it went beyond a conversation about faith, he needed something more concrete.
I immediately thought about the apostle John. He had a similar problem in the first century church. A belief called Gnosticism surfaced which denied, among other things, the physical nature of Christ. They believed that Christ was spirit only and never became flesh. John addressed this in his first epistle. He reminded everyone that he and others had actually walked alongside the Savior.
He doesn’t mince words, in chapter one verse one he says they have “heard and seen [Jesus].” He goes on to say, “We saw Him with our own eyes and touched Him with our own hands.” Again in verse two, he says “we have seen Him.” And finally in verse three “we ourselves have actually seen and heard.”
John easily battled the false doctrine with a simple, “I was there; I know the truth.” Unfortunately, John wasn’t riding in the passenger seat as I talked with my son. But his principle was. I can’t tell my son that I’ve seen Jesus with my own eyes and touched Him with my own hands, but I can tell him that I’ve seen and heard His work in my life.
It’s important that we show our children and others that God is real. We do that by telling them all of the things He has done in our lives. I told my son “I know Jesus is real because …” and went on with stories from my experience. These stories were the foundation for other car worthy topics such as biblical history, faith and the inerrancy of scripture.
John continues in verse four, “We are writing these things so that you may fully share our joy.” By joy, he means fellowship with the Father and Jesus (vs. 3). Isn’t that our ultimate goal as parents, to have our children fully share our Joy? Hopefully by showing them how God is real in our lives, they will soon see how He is real in their lives.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
MommySon Day
My son and I played hooky Monday, a random event known as “Mommy/Son Day.” We went to lunch at Firehouse Subs, my favorite. We looked around a hobby store; playing with remote controlled cars, airplane simulators and sizing up robot kits. Then we went to a gift shop where I bought myself a bracelet and my son a giant green pen. What ten-year-old boy doesn’t want a giant green pen? All of this followed by a movie and a game of Risk at home.
It was an awesome day. We had a blast together. We talked about frivolous topics like Legos and online games. We laughed a lot and didn’t have a single fight. This is an accomplishment considering that an average homeschool day for us is billed as “Hard Headed Mom v. Hard Headed Son – the Death Match.”
Which is why I have Mommy/Son day. Our normal days begin with school around 8 or 8:30 and expand to a myriad of lessons, some he loves and more he hates. This is interspersed with chores, both his and mine. Any break from school is an opportunity to do the laundry or make that call. We don’t have much time to just hang out on the average day.
I think that one of the challenges in homeschooling is to protect that parent-child relationship. It is easy for the loving bond to be lost amid the teacher-student dynamic. We are much more present in our children’s lives than the average parent; our kids begin to see us as correcting machines. We’re the main ones correcting school work, behavior and even posture (sit with your back straight when writing in cursive!).
A parent whose child is in school has one or more teachers to split that burden with. It’s the teacher who makes them do math or who marks the “F” on a test paper. A homeschool parent has to shoulder all of the negative aspects of education. I started Mommy/Son day to battle the image I was developing in my son’s eyes.
Of course, my son and I could do this on the week-end and not interrupt the school week. But for us, doing it on a day we should be schooling drives the point home. I’m telling my kid “You’re more important to me than Saxon mixed practice or Daily Grams.”
Throughout our time on Monday, I was also thinking about how this relates to my life in Christ. It is so easy to get trapped in the routine of faith that we forget our faith life is about a relationship with our Savior. Our walk becomes 11:00am Sunday, 6:00pm Wednesday, 6:30pm every other Thursday. Our quiet time becomes “get that passage read before bible study,” and “I’ve memorized the entire book of Acts.”
When is the last time you opened the Word or prayed without an agenda? When is the last time you sought God, whether in Word, song or prayer, out of a simple desire to spend time with your Maker? I asked myself those questions and was startled to find I wasn’t sure when I had last worshipped just to worship.
Convicted I got up early Tuesday morning and read some Psalms. I put away the concordance and commentaries and just read. I was reminded that God is our Protector, our Strength, our Hope. I entered the day renewed, refreshed and ready for “Hard Headed Mom v. Hard Headed Son round 2.”
It was an awesome day. We had a blast together. We talked about frivolous topics like Legos and online games. We laughed a lot and didn’t have a single fight. This is an accomplishment considering that an average homeschool day for us is billed as “Hard Headed Mom v. Hard Headed Son – the Death Match.”
Which is why I have Mommy/Son day. Our normal days begin with school around 8 or 8:30 and expand to a myriad of lessons, some he loves and more he hates. This is interspersed with chores, both his and mine. Any break from school is an opportunity to do the laundry or make that call. We don’t have much time to just hang out on the average day.
I think that one of the challenges in homeschooling is to protect that parent-child relationship. It is easy for the loving bond to be lost amid the teacher-student dynamic. We are much more present in our children’s lives than the average parent; our kids begin to see us as correcting machines. We’re the main ones correcting school work, behavior and even posture (sit with your back straight when writing in cursive!).
A parent whose child is in school has one or more teachers to split that burden with. It’s the teacher who makes them do math or who marks the “F” on a test paper. A homeschool parent has to shoulder all of the negative aspects of education. I started Mommy/Son day to battle the image I was developing in my son’s eyes.
Of course, my son and I could do this on the week-end and not interrupt the school week. But for us, doing it on a day we should be schooling drives the point home. I’m telling my kid “You’re more important to me than Saxon mixed practice or Daily Grams.”
Throughout our time on Monday, I was also thinking about how this relates to my life in Christ. It is so easy to get trapped in the routine of faith that we forget our faith life is about a relationship with our Savior. Our walk becomes 11:00am Sunday, 6:00pm Wednesday, 6:30pm every other Thursday. Our quiet time becomes “get that passage read before bible study,” and “I’ve memorized the entire book of Acts.”
When is the last time you opened the Word or prayed without an agenda? When is the last time you sought God, whether in Word, song or prayer, out of a simple desire to spend time with your Maker? I asked myself those questions and was startled to find I wasn’t sure when I had last worshipped just to worship.
Convicted I got up early Tuesday morning and read some Psalms. I put away the concordance and commentaries and just read. I was reminded that God is our Protector, our Strength, our Hope. I entered the day renewed, refreshed and ready for “Hard Headed Mom v. Hard Headed Son round 2.”
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Gotcha!
I am a neat, organized person. Some might say uptight, but at least I never loose anything. My ten-year-old son, on the other hand, could never be described as neat or organized. He is a truly random individual and I daily walk the line between letting him be himself and being driven insane by his ways.
Recently, I'd reached my messy room limit. His retreat was a wasteland of Legos, action figures and miscellaneous bits of paper, string and things I couldn't identify. "It's time to clean your room," I said. "You have until noon tomorrow or I'm coming in there. If I have to come in there, you won't be happy." Every good parent knows that consequences should be clearly spelled out, so I added. "I'll have free reign to throw away whatever I see fit."
"Okay," he answered calmly and went back to his computer game.
Before bed, I noticed that he hadn't picked up a single Lego. As a good parent, I wanted to teach him responsibility. He had a time limit and I needed to give him the opportunity to meet it without interference from me. However I couldn't resist a gentle reminder, "You have until noon or I'm going to throw things away."
"I know," he said. "I'll do it in the morning."
At nine the next morning, there were no changes to his room and he'd been up for two hours. I was perplexed. Wasn't he worried about losing some of his favorite things? I was also a little angry. Didn't he appreciate the grace I had already given him? I stalked off to find him, yet again at the computer. I reminded him in my scariest Mommy voice that his toys were in peril.
He glanced at me and said, "I've been thinking about that and I'm just going to let you do it. I need to divest anyway." (Yes, my son knows the word 'divest.')
I was stunned. What had just happened? As a good parent, I needed to follow through with what I'd promised. So his chore was now mine. In his room, I stared at the mad disarray and tried to remember the color of the carpet. With no other options left, I dove in and started to clean.
Part of me wanted to throw everything away just to get back at him, but I didn't have the heart. What kind of parent does that?
So I spent two days on biohazard detail. I had cricks in my back, neck and parts of my body I didn't know could develop cricks. I had almost gone blind plucking miniscule toy pieces out of the carpet and nearly gagged over yogurt containers that had been put into the toy bin instead of the trash. Oh, and I did dispose of one and a half black garbage bags full of junk.
Did my son learn his lesson after watching the bags go to the curb? Nooo, I had restored his Lego stash and found toys he thought he had lost. In fact, he thanked me and immediately began to play.
"What went wrong?" I moaned to my husband. "He wasn't even scared."
"Of course not, you're his Mom. He knows that you wouldn't do anything to hurt him," he answered.
I knew there was a lesson here besides how to get your kid to trick you into cleaning his room for him. My son gave me free reign with his most treasured items because he trusted me. I immediately thought about how we are to come to Christ as a little child. I wondered how often I go to God say "I trust You. Here's my life. Clean out the junk."
What was intended as a lesson for my son, taught me a couple of things instead. Good parents always learn from their mistakes and I now know not to include myself in my son's punishments. In case you're interested, my son has yet to ask me for a single item that was in those bags. He's never even missed them.
Recently, I'd reached my messy room limit. His retreat was a wasteland of Legos, action figures and miscellaneous bits of paper, string and things I couldn't identify. "It's time to clean your room," I said. "You have until noon tomorrow or I'm coming in there. If I have to come in there, you won't be happy." Every good parent knows that consequences should be clearly spelled out, so I added. "I'll have free reign to throw away whatever I see fit."
"Okay," he answered calmly and went back to his computer game.
Before bed, I noticed that he hadn't picked up a single Lego. As a good parent, I wanted to teach him responsibility. He had a time limit and I needed to give him the opportunity to meet it without interference from me. However I couldn't resist a gentle reminder, "You have until noon or I'm going to throw things away."
"I know," he said. "I'll do it in the morning."
At nine the next morning, there were no changes to his room and he'd been up for two hours. I was perplexed. Wasn't he worried about losing some of his favorite things? I was also a little angry. Didn't he appreciate the grace I had already given him? I stalked off to find him, yet again at the computer. I reminded him in my scariest Mommy voice that his toys were in peril.
He glanced at me and said, "I've been thinking about that and I'm just going to let you do it. I need to divest anyway." (Yes, my son knows the word 'divest.')
I was stunned. What had just happened? As a good parent, I needed to follow through with what I'd promised. So his chore was now mine. In his room, I stared at the mad disarray and tried to remember the color of the carpet. With no other options left, I dove in and started to clean.
Part of me wanted to throw everything away just to get back at him, but I didn't have the heart. What kind of parent does that?
So I spent two days on biohazard detail. I had cricks in my back, neck and parts of my body I didn't know could develop cricks. I had almost gone blind plucking miniscule toy pieces out of the carpet and nearly gagged over yogurt containers that had been put into the toy bin instead of the trash. Oh, and I did dispose of one and a half black garbage bags full of junk.
Did my son learn his lesson after watching the bags go to the curb? Nooo, I had restored his Lego stash and found toys he thought he had lost. In fact, he thanked me and immediately began to play.
"What went wrong?" I moaned to my husband. "He wasn't even scared."
"Of course not, you're his Mom. He knows that you wouldn't do anything to hurt him," he answered.
I knew there was a lesson here besides how to get your kid to trick you into cleaning his room for him. My son gave me free reign with his most treasured items because he trusted me. I immediately thought about how we are to come to Christ as a little child. I wondered how often I go to God say "I trust You. Here's my life. Clean out the junk."
What was intended as a lesson for my son, taught me a couple of things instead. Good parents always learn from their mistakes and I now know not to include myself in my son's punishments. In case you're interested, my son has yet to ask me for a single item that was in those bags. He's never even missed them.
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